Engineering

I was a sheep. After high-school I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I mostly blame myself for not getting out there, experiencing and experimenting with what I love and didn’t. Instead I sat there, gloomy after a failed attempt at a relationship, with a handful of other sheep friends. I was directionless, you could’ve pointed me to the sky and I would’ve followed it blindly thinking that was the path I should follow.

Engineering seemed right. Right, according to society, according to my parents and according to everyone else, except me, unfortunately. It was a 4 year professional degree with not much to lose, I thought. Best case scenario, I love engineering, worst case scenario I hate these 4 years and end up with a piece of paper with my name on it. Unfortunately, what I failed to comprehend then was, how long these 4 years were going to be.

I should have explored my options, taken a leap of faith, tried to find a passion, or at least, find an interesting field to get educated in. But there I was, learning why a semicolon was necessary to end each line, wishing I had a semicolon to end each day. It wasn’t that I hated everything about engineering, it’s the outdated curriculum, the rat race for marks and my soulless college that got me. I was tired of this educational system, tired of studying about stuff I’m not passionate about. This was a vicious cycle that started in high school that stuck onto me like a leech, sucking every drop of life within me.

The bigger problem was me, I am not an idler, never was and never will be. Even if you give me something that is the least of my interest or the hardest thing ever, I’m going to give it my 100% and aim for perfection. Because of this, this double edged sword, I was chained to my curriculum for the past 4 years, not able to set my mind on anything else. I was a slave to my own perfectionism, studying away for that perfect score which I knew, meant nothing.

At the beginning, I was just tired. Tired each day, to go to college, wishing it was 4:30 while it was just 9:30. But it was then, that covid struck. Saying “covid saved me” is a comical joke, but it did, in a way. Almost 2 years of college gone in the blink of an eye. Yes, online classes were a thing, but minimize is also a key. I learned more about myself in isolation, than I ever would have in college. I didn’t find my passion, but I finally got the time to try to find it. That is what I needed, time alone to understand myself, understand my options and understand the path I am journeying. As things got back offline, I started off with a new found knowledge. I don’t have the solution yet, but now I know I have what it takes to find it.